As I sit here in my tiny comfortable space, with the warmth of the sunshine hitting my legs, I am trying to identify how I truly feel. I reflect on a question I was asked a few weeks ago, which I didn't have an answer for at the time but now feel is beginning to unfold: "Is there something you are trying to work through?" The question is difficult for me to answer, to speak in depth about, or to think beyond the simple idea that I just want to walk. That I want to be outside all the time. That I want to be liberated. It's difficult to think about what it means to me when I'm just sitting here and the sunshine is begging for my attention. So I take a walk in the woods instead.
I conjure up my mojo for the steep climb ahead of me. I aim to ascend like a warrior. Here we go, Brit. You're a real badass. A bloody champion. Eat dirt like you mean it. Bruise purposefully. Bam! I laugh at the way I talk to myself. But I believe, and I soon find myself in the sweet spot of physiology. I'm feeling good and Nature is opportune; she pulls me further from my head and into her dream. Oh, look at that tree! Smell the tree! Don't you love trees? Ah, man, that's a rad rock. And what a cool piece of dirt. Woah, those mushrooms are glowing. See the old man's beard? It sure is wild! (Apply to armpits and upper lip for a good time.) Earth is magical, all is well, plaguing complexities are forgotten. I start my hike with heavy thoughts, but end having dumped them all behind me.
One question doesn't entirely escape my psyche: What if I cannot rise to the challenge and adapt to the physical demands? I realize I will be working through a huge "something": the awareness of my physical limitations, the discomfort of intimately knowing my edges, the exposure of weakness, and the commitment to a greater love for the body I inhabit. A body I often feel trapped in. A body I have had to work against to succeed at anything. A body I sometimes feel miserable in because it isn't compatible with what my heart and mind aspire after. A body that I don't always understand or know how to attend to. A body that I have so much respect for at times, but am completely disconnected from at other times. I want to discover the body that exceeds my own expectations, that knows strength and resilience, of which I am acutely aware of. Will my body succumb to it's limitations? Will I access unrecognized potential? When it matters most, will relentless determination translate into physical mastery and ascension?
Monday, March 16, 2015
Thursday, March 5, 2015
What's happenin'.
Alright, I'm back with the blog, but I'm starting from scratch. Fresh!
We're flying to San Diego in two months, from where we'll drive to Campo to start our walk at the southern terminus of the PCT. How far will I go, oh, but nobody knows! So, I've just planned to walk 2660 miles. With the huge help of Jessica's parents, Bob and Wendee, we've sealed a combined total of approximately 50 pounds of instant refried beans, 40 pounds of instant potatoes, and an incredibly large volume of brown sugar and powdered cheese. Yum! We assembled 5.5 months worth of food in 24 large flat rate boxes, which are now stacked against the wall in the Green room of the Shuell residence. Dear Mia: Warning! Keep Out! Copious amounts of Snickers and turkey jerky are bad for dogs! (And for humans?) Resupply was a huge undertaking, and I am so happy that it's approaching completion. A big thanks to B is due for the loan of the vacuum sealer! As far as my other possessions, I've rearranged them for the umpteenth time as if I was nesting in preparation for the birth of my trail life: A box for gear I'm taking, a box for gear that's staying. A milk crate or two for clothes, a crate for books, and Darth, including related bike paraphernalia. I keep looking at all of it, wondering what else I can get rid of; it feels wonderful to have less.
So, with two months to go and almost all of the preparations complete, I am happy to report that I am starting BCEP in one week, a 7-week course offered by the Mazamas where I'll learn snow, glacier, and rock climbing skills. I'll be active every weekend with my BCEP group and attend class weekly. I've recently taken a compass and navigation course with the Mazamas, and I loved the instruction I received! I am very excited to be a part of this great organization and thankful for the education they offer. I think this is going to be a great opportunity to build my knowledge, skills, and community. And I think it's an excellent place for my mind to dwell before I leave for the wilderness for 5.5 months. :)
Well, I've been fighting a cold this week and it's slowed me down a bit. I was planning to climb St. Helens Friday, but my body doesn't feel healthy enough for the challenge. Perhaps Saturday will be brighter (and my sinuses clearer). On that note, I am headed to bed for some much needed rest.
peace/love
We're flying to San Diego in two months, from where we'll drive to Campo to start our walk at the southern terminus of the PCT. How far will I go, oh, but nobody knows! So, I've just planned to walk 2660 miles. With the huge help of Jessica's parents, Bob and Wendee, we've sealed a combined total of approximately 50 pounds of instant refried beans, 40 pounds of instant potatoes, and an incredibly large volume of brown sugar and powdered cheese. Yum! We assembled 5.5 months worth of food in 24 large flat rate boxes, which are now stacked against the wall in the Green room of the Shuell residence. Dear Mia: Warning! Keep Out! Copious amounts of Snickers and turkey jerky are bad for dogs! (And for humans?) Resupply was a huge undertaking, and I am so happy that it's approaching completion. A big thanks to B is due for the loan of the vacuum sealer! As far as my other possessions, I've rearranged them for the umpteenth time as if I was nesting in preparation for the birth of my trail life: A box for gear I'm taking, a box for gear that's staying. A milk crate or two for clothes, a crate for books, and Darth, including related bike paraphernalia. I keep looking at all of it, wondering what else I can get rid of; it feels wonderful to have less.
So, with two months to go and almost all of the preparations complete, I am happy to report that I am starting BCEP in one week, a 7-week course offered by the Mazamas where I'll learn snow, glacier, and rock climbing skills. I'll be active every weekend with my BCEP group and attend class weekly. I've recently taken a compass and navigation course with the Mazamas, and I loved the instruction I received! I am very excited to be a part of this great organization and thankful for the education they offer. I think this is going to be a great opportunity to build my knowledge, skills, and community. And I think it's an excellent place for my mind to dwell before I leave for the wilderness for 5.5 months. :)
Well, I've been fighting a cold this week and it's slowed me down a bit. I was planning to climb St. Helens Friday, but my body doesn't feel healthy enough for the challenge. Perhaps Saturday will be brighter (and my sinuses clearer). On that note, I am headed to bed for some much needed rest.
peace/love
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